I want to have your abortion
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
