ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
