I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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