He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
NoShamevember. You game?
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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