As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
