yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
