It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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