I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
