We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
