dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
