I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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