we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
