JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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