we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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