i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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