A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
