Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize