I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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