So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize