So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
two words...techno handjob
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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