ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
