we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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