I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
