Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
