My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
