If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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