i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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