There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
