my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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