Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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