So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
