"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize