you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
