Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
