i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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