I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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