capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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