Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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