How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
