i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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