Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
