I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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