I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
