I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
