Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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