So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
