Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
