I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think people are normalizing furries
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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