Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
