dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
