I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
