Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
