Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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