just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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