you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
