The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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