Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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