fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
