I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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