if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
