she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
