Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
