No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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