i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
