Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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