Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My cat gives me a boner
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
