What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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