Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
