my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
