I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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